


Dayton, Ohio

by galeaspida



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: Drag Queens, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-20
Updated: 2013-09-20
Packaged: 2017-12-27 03:53:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/974001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galeaspida/pseuds/galeaspida
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Myka is out of her depth, HG is hit on by very confused men, and Pete is in a dress.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dayton, Ohio

**Author's Note:**

> A short that popped up in my mind while writing longer fics.

Pete makes the ugliest woman imaginable.

"Ugh, I wouldn't date me."

Myka silently agrees as she and Pete stare at his reflection in the wall mirror, because Pete's shoulders are gigantic and his head is very, very square and all the contouring in the world wouldn't hide that jaw. She's wearing her usual wool suit, and has a gun on her belt. Pete's wearing an ankle-length sequinned gown, three-inch heels and carrying a white feather boa. The wig is the most convincing part of the entire ensemble, but only makes him look like a rock star addicted to steroids, hard drugs and drag.

"More blush?" Myka offers, voice full of uncertainty. The internet was helpful about the basics of applying makeup to men (and Pete was also suspiciously knowledgeable, which leads Myka to suspect that his college years had been more exciting than he's shared with them) but Pete's five o'clock shadow is still visible under the thick layer of foundation. Unfortunately the show begins in ten minutes, and this may very well be one of the stranger retrievals they've ever done _and where has Helena got off to?_

The door opens behind them and Helena squeezes into the tiny dressing room. Myka knocks down a styrofoam head with a blonde wig on it while trying to make more room for her.

"The men have just sat down at the bar, we should probably..."

Her voice trails off as she turns to face them. Helena's wearing an ivory silk skirt and her hair is pinned up above her neck and she has her eyes fixed on Myka's creation (the product of an hour of hasty shaving, abundant concealer and numerous body inserts borrowed from other performers). Her facial expression falls somewhere between surprise and amusement. (They'll learn later that Helena's been hit on three times by patrons who believed her to be a man of remarkable skill at cross-dressing dressing as a woman.) 

"Well, Mr. Lattimer, I fear that your femininity isn't quite up to scratch, but it shall have to do." Helena frowns at his ample bust. "I trust that your Tesla is accessible?"

Pete reaches into the high neckline of his dress and rummages around for a moment before pulling out his hidden Tesla.

"Good boy."

Pete grins, the boyish expression ruined somewhat by the guava-colored lipstick. "I'm all game for this, you guys, but I'm having mega vibes and I think that things are not going to down as planned."

And things don't. By the end of the evening, Myka's sprained a finger, Helena has ripped her skirt while knocking out one of the smugglers with a chair, and Pete has sung his way through a Cher set (badly) with the help of several back-up dancers and an obscene amount of glitter. They do manage to snag Bernhardt's prosthetic leg and hand over three members of a drag queen smuggling ring to the very confused authorities of Dayton, Ohio. 

After Pete has managed to peel off the stick-on eyelashes (losing a few of his own in the process) and scrub his face clean, they leave.

Pete insists on taking photos to show Claudia before undressing.


End file.
